Cavehill Card Club

Lovebirds are Flying High....‏

2010-02-26T18:57:00.003Z

This week’s action….

Sell out gig at the card club this week makes us 8 deep…..

Its swap shop at the felt and after an hour of gaming there is still 8 players, still with roughly their starting stacks….

Hammerheed is first to get busy and shoves the clays, only this time he does not receive clay in return, he receives wood……

Conversations turn to feature staircases, solid English walnut with a lacquer finish and associated paneling, accentuating the vestibule area……IT’S ON YOU!

Talk of 2 Potential vans for the ongoing saga of table transportation, it literally is edge of your seat stuff, surely this gaming surface will make the trans urban journey this week…..

This lovebird wasn’t flying so high tonight, the only place he was flying to, was back to Lisburn…minus a fiver…..

3 way all in action on 4^th street, Irwinator, Deadly and G, Irwinator is out of the race with 9’s, G is in very bad shape with Jacks, but its Deadly way out in front with Aces and a flush draw - one card to come, a one outer, BOOM! G hits the case Jack, stranger than fiction…..

The Professor is within reach of the elusive positive equity and a chance to gain some daylight at the top of the table, but yet again the points evade him and its only bubbles for his troubles…..

Y’all now the script for heads up by now, Déjà vu once again – but this time its Swiller who claims the spoils…..

I’m a beaten egg…… Wank

The Lonely Planet Guide......

2010-02-19T19:40:00.002Z

This week’s action…..

Irwinator is putting in a stretch of overtime in another bid to claim the accolade of Lagan employee of the year……

Deadly is lingering at the new crib awaiting the Ikea branded delivery truck.......

After confirmation of possession of house keys, 6 club members fumble with Google maps and eventually get seated round the glass, for take 2 of the opening night at the Rochester venue……

After browsing the ‘Lonely Planet’ guide to Ireland to check out the what’s hot of pubs in Cork, Cally would have been better off browsing the ‘Peter and Jane’ guide to playing poker, as he soon acquired the ‘First out of the Tournament’ guide to wooden spoons…..

I know what your thinking, did I have a straight draw or a flush, well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself, but being this a league game, with 3 points at stake, and risking all my stack, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? I must have fired 6 shots, as the next 2 are blanks and Hammerheed does indeed feel lucky……

Swiller bears the mark of the devil to survive his all in and triple up with trip 6’s……

The Professor looks to get back into the way of earning some positive equity, as he makes his move with AQ, but Hammerheed rides his luck and his 2 live cards hit on the flop, leaving the Prof with a lively maneuver….towards the exit…..

Hammerheed’s bubble eventually burst……

A familiar duo is once again left in the head’s up battle, with the host finding his footing, aswell as his keys, and keeping the purse at Rochester….

I’m Harry Callaghan……Get out of the way, Hammerheed!

Locksmiths, Diversions and Menthol Cigarettes....‏

2010-02-12T11:23:00.001Z

This week’s action…..

Deadly has a prior engagement at DFS to kit out his living space with some lounging equipment (N.B for expert advice on sofa choice please confer with our resident expert Junior)….

Hammerheed is AWOL once again, all eyes peeled for his mugshot on the side of milk cartons….

And tonight’s special guest, all the way from a couch in East Belfast, Cavehill Card Club welcomes Junior, on his annual appearance……

A brand new venue sees G playing host for the first time, they say first impressions last, and his misplacement of his house keys did leave a lasting impression, with the chips locked up in the impenetrable fortress it was time to initiate an impromptu plan B. After much deliberation and frantic phone calling his better half was tracked down and the chip set was recovered, but not before the parade had been re-routed to the Cavehill club……..You’ll never walk Rochester…..

7 lost souls finally find shelter for a late kick off…..

Junior’s return to the table reflects his prolonged absence, as he struggles to remember the name of the suits, and the ranking of the hands it would seem as he is the first to egress, Marlboro menthols, wooden spoon and all…….

The Professor’s straight takes down the pot, but a cry of ‘flush’ sees the blood drain from his face, ha only joking Prof, the clays are yours…..

More talk of transit vans takes place, relating to the ongoing saga of poker table transportation……tune in next week for another gripping episode – Will this inanimate object ever make it out of Junior’s spare room??

3 way action leaves myself, Cally and Swiller - with the blinds nearing the ceiling limit there is no margin for error, it’s all in with any face card for me, then all out as Cally’s is better, Queen of hearts beats the Jack of bubbles…….

Heads up sees Swiller in a podium place once again, a much better run in the second half of the season, but could it prove too little too late? On this occasion it proves too little and he will have to settle for second, as it’s our Mexican cartel that takes the stash….

The Cavehill league mirrors the Premier league; it’s currently a three horse race, but there is still plenty of time, and plenty of points…..

I’m Arsène Wenger…….We are still in the title race…..

Satellite Navigation and Football Stadiums...‏

2010-02-05T22:55:00.001Z

This week’s action…..

Deadly’s most recent purchase, a new abode, didn’t come by way of the January sales, but has him sidelined anyway…..

Hammerheed is also a forfeit this week, activity unknown……

Cally promises an appearance but it will be a late one, as he tests the plausibility of navigating through unknown terrain in east Belfast using only an iPhone….

5 plus 1 latecomer gather round the cloth, and post the absentee’s blinds….

2 levels deep Cally lands in, just as well that iPhone has an in built compass, egg chasing tickets acquired…..

Irwinator keeps his form consistent, back to back spoons have him sofa bound early, then a visit to bet365 to try and re-coup the deficit……..

Football faux pas of the evening goes to G, after a tale of his visit to ‘Highfield’ to watch Arsenal play in a champion’s league game against…..”What do you call the team from Barcelona?”….. (Any ideas anyone?)

My walking sticks didn’t hold up, and soon had me walking towards the exit……

The professor gets busy in the mix, but all he can concoct is froth and bubbles……

Facing off is Swiller and G, G shows 3 of a kind against Swiller’s open ended straight draw, only the river to come but it is G who is drowning as Swiller spikes a Jack to make the straight and severely dent his opponents stack, which there was no coming back from……..to the victor go the spoils…..

I’m John Terry………..Role model and (former) captain of England……

Table Logistics....

2010-01-29T19:52:00.001Z

This week’s action…..

The Lisburn High Roller game pulls in a big crowd with an almost sellout attendance…..

Deadly couldn’t quite make the occasion, still a couple of days left in the January sales……

Negotiations for the acquisition of a transit van are in full flow, as logistical plans are made to try and transport ‘the table’ from the fold and thus alleviating Woodcutters pains – alternative suggestions as follows –

Put the seats down in the Red Rocket and stick it in the back – quickly dismissed, the rocket is only a hatchback, this 10 man behemoth would prove too big for even a sizeable estate!

Stick it on a roof rack – quickly dismissed, fears we might reenact Scaramanga’s escape in a wing converted 1974 AMC Matador, from The Man with the Golden Gun.

With that 7 money hungry gents surround a different table, looking to accumulate some much needed tokens for maximum weekend carnage……

Nervous starts from a couple of players, the pressure pot that is the high roller game clearly showing, and this gets portrayed via dealing duties as a few flops get dealt out of turn….

Swiller was quickly deflated, by losing a large percentage of his stack, when I hit the wheel on the river, and murmurs of bottles of red on the way home ensued …..

Irwinator is in need of a refresher course on hand rankings, as it is clearly stated in the league rules - 3 pair is not a valid hand!

Still reeling from his injustice of not being able to utilise his third pair, Irwinator makes the shove, but all he gets in return is wooden trophies and white gloves…….

G is looking to continue his comeback winning form, but perhaps he had encountered a stroke of beginners luck from his prolonged absence, as he is next to fall by the wayside…..

Swiller makes a come back after flopping the nuts, and it looks like the bottle of red will have to be postponed, but not for too long, its soon back to dwindleville and the local winemark……

The Professor is still contrary to his name, but recent form has shown a lack of adeptness to the fruits of positive equity……

Hammerheed flops a house but doesn’t get any bites, but if its nibbles he’s after he is in luck, as Cally sends him his favourite snack, some Aero bubbles…….

Showdown is myself and Cally, and twice the host with the most goes in with the best hand, but comes a cropper, finally he gets some luck of his own, hits on the flop, but oh how the gods mock and they take him to heaven before they take him to hell, I spike an Ace on 4^th street and take home the swag…..

I’m Jack Strauss…..Limit poker is a science, but no-limit is an art.

The Graduate....‏

2010-01-15T19:40:00.003Z

This week’s action…….

January sales are in full flow, a few more excursions to Victoria Square have Deadly sidelined….

The Professor is out of town, a weekend in the Highlands for the attendance of a seminar on making the climb from negative to positive equity….

With that 5 club regulars, fresh from the festive break and resolute for league domination, congregate round the cloth….

Swillers resolutions of positive pointage are quickly shattered, as he takes a dive off the wooden board, even deeper into the red, and we are not talking vino…. (Note to self – Sobriety not working, a swift resumption to an accompanying bottle for future gaming!)

Swiller dons the white gloves and fulfills his croupier duties, but after a session on the green baize at the green baize, he is soon receiving his P45, after half an hour of his exit from the game he decides to deal himself in……New dealer please…..

Hammerheed soaks up the atmosphere, aswell as the bubble…..

Myself and Irwinator are left to dual in a swift heads up battle, 2 cards turn and shoot, Irwinator falls, its booty and points for me……

I’m Benjamin Braddock………Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?

Adverse Namesake's and Small Miracles....‏

2009-12-04T12:09:00.001Z

This week’s action……

Only 20 shopping days left, Deadly has work to do…..

Hammerheed also takes a head stagger, must go shopping, and a trip to the Victoria centre ensues……

Threats of an appearance from Wallace are quickly dismissed as hearsay……

With that 5 regular rogues congregate at the cloth, for experimentation in the lab…….

One notable anomaly of the evening is Swiller minus a bottle of red…….clearly not living up to his name he shrugs this off by the fact he is steering this evening, but the other club members know better, wooden spoon avoidance being the primary agenda, tactfully testing his game play with a sober head……

Irwinator is quick off the blocks, all guns blazing, raising here there and everywhere, and accumulating some clays, although this gung ho approach soon has him on the short stack….

Triple all – in action, with the gun slinger on the short stack for his tournament life, the Professor quickly calling my over the top re-raise there can only be one outcome, the best hand Vs the second best hand, and as 80% of the time they will, Aces stand tall, the Prof triples up and its Irwinator who claims the lumber……

The next eventful hand was stranger than fiction, the stuff of dreams, or indeed nightmares. Cally shoves with a short stack on the flop and Swiller calls, Cally shows Ace high, but Swiller turns 2 pair, It’s a 50-1 shot, but it’s a shot and what a shot, runner runner hits Cally, 2 pair, Aces up……Disgruntled would be an understatement……

The luck box seems to have used up all his luck performing his previous miracle, and for his next trick he disappears from the game and conjures some bubbles……

Heads up sees Swiller in the peculiar position of positive equity, but he faces a formidable opponent, none other than the Professor of negative equity whose performance this season has been adverse to his namesake. It’s the Professors’ house, and it’s full, points and swag remain in the lab……

I’m JC…..How about some wine on tap…..

Mechanics, Mobile Phone Cover and Hat Trick Spoons...‏

2009-11-27T12:06:00.002Z

This week’s action…..

The spree has begun, and there is only a month of late night shopping left, Deadly could be absent from the felt for the foreseeable future….

Hammerheed had a prior engagement…..perhaps relating to his actual engagement….

The Professor was on the Polish leg of a field trip, sampling some local vodka and doing a stint in Auschwitz…..

With that only 4 gamesters congregated round the cloth, that is, when the table finally got assembled – after a troublesome leg / washer made a mockery of Irwinator’s DIY prowess, but reinforcements were on hand and the local knowledge of Swiller soon provided a stable playing surface…..

With ‘3 in a row’ up for grabs, Swiller’s main focus was on avoiding wood at all costs, this became apparent when Irwinator was on the short stack and made the push against Cally, Swiller was practically standing, rooting for Cally to hit and send the much unwanted splinters in Irwinator’s direction, but it was not to be, and Swiller is re-seated with a somewhat labored exhalation……

Next it was Swiller himself to experience the sweat, as he himself now faces Cally for his tournament life, both turn AK, but Cally is the favourite with suited hearts! But in a reversal of fortune it was Swiller who made running clubs to flush on the river, and survive another day. Celebratory cheers as Swiller doubles up, and laughter from all fills the room, save from one disgruntled club member…….

Were the Poker Gods favouring the underdog or just prolonging the agony? Prolongation of agony it would seem, as dwindle is as dwindle does, and a 3^rd successive spoon puts Swiller even further into detriment.…

A shove by myself sees me in good steed against Cally, but the luck box strikes again, hitting a 5 outer, runner runner making a set on the river and leaving me extremely short changed. The inevitable bubble soon bursts….

Heads up sees Cally vs. Irwinator, will the expert Bavarian battery changer prevail over the furniture repairman? It would seem that Irwinator’s card skills greatly outweigh his table assembling skills, points and drinking vouchers return to east……

I’m an iPhone 3GS…….should I have insurance……?

Radioactive Hold'em with a Splash of Hot Sauce.....‏

2009-09-25T22:30:00.006+01:00

This week’s action…..

After a perimeter curfew on a Caribbean island, Deadly is out stretching his legs with a kickaround…..

Irwinator high tails it to the countryside for a lungful of Dervish manure, and a ride on his Massy…….

Hammerheed weighs in with satelliter status, fresh out of his protective clothing and gas mask after a day in the contamination zone….

And straight out of a scene from ‘The Happening’, a mystery ailment encompasses Junior as he turns up for a game of cards ……after a visit to the gym…….

With that 6 wiley gamesters take to the cloth…..

All quiet on the northern front, until a slow moving southerly AKA Cally, starts splashing the clays. Feeling strong with a couple of cowboys, its cheese board time, but the Professors perseverance pays off and he spikes a Ace on the river – the Indian to Cally’s cowboy…..

Hammerheeds return to the table yields only wooden trophies, as some extra curricular cybertime at 888.com proves fruitless…..

On the slide to dwindleville, I make the shove with some paint in my hand – should of known better as Cally is next to act and quickly calls, with an original Monet - a couple of painted ladies seal the deal……

Junior’s comeback started off with a bit more vigor, and at one stage looked like he was threatening for gold as he pulled flushes after straights, but his recent retirement from the game soon became apparent and the only thing he was pulling was the pin……on himself……

Tales of stiff gym socks and a ‘98 lamas fair t-shirt provide some light entertainment at the club, but soon it’s back to the action…..

Swiller was concentrating more on conversing than on card playing and swiftly flung his dead hole cards across the table and onto the floor, a mere lapse in concentration, perhaps that’s what he should have done with his AQ, as 2 callers see him off holding top pair, and there’s no improvement......

It’s rutting season as Cally and the Prof lock horns in the heads up battle, but I think the writing is already on the wall as not even bullets can take down this stag, Aces for the Prof but a mere J 9 is enough for the luck box, making two pair on the turn and bagging the swag…..

I’m Chilli Pepper Pete……..Naga anyone?

Clubbed to Death......‏

2009-05-22T18:19:00.003+01:00

This week’s action…..

Deadly and Hammerheed are giving it the red face, puffing and panting, after a kick around at their local football CLUB…..

That leaves 5 card CLUB members, seated at the workbench of the Professors lab, eager to collect some points in the penultimate game of the 2008 – 2009 season. What do points make…….prizes!

With talk of patterns emerging where hosts pick up spoons, the superstition holds true, and none other than the Proffessor of Negative Equity claims the accolade. This secures the CLUB booby prize for the season with an unreachable tally of 8 wooden ornaments with 1 game to play – Congratulations Spooney! (Is that 2 in a row?)........

League leader Irwinator was making waves, splashing the pot at every opportunity with the river as his medium. On more than one occasion, our top spot holder prevailed at the hands of the poker gods on this waterway. But this luck was short lived and the streams ebbed ever close to the ocean, and the estuary was at dwindleville……

Swiller was in contention for a top spot, and points tonight could secure better prizes in the run down for the loot. This was most likely on his mind when he flopped a set and opted to slow play it to maximise his rewards. But rewards come with risks, and even though he filled his boat, he inadvertently opened the flood gates as I filled mine. This was the beginning of Swillers demise, and this time when the chips were in he had me wired up. Two CLUBS on the flop gives me an outside chance, runner runner – CLUBS, there was to be no return from this mental blow…….CLUBBLE boy…..

Cally’s game has been a bit more conservative towards the end of the season, and as the only challenger to the gold medal, he was certainly siding on caution. But caution was thrown to the wind and on many occasions he should have been putting on his jacket, and making the trip back to Lisburn – Did you know that Lisburn was originally known as ‘Lisnagarvey’ derived from the Irish term meaning ‘Fort of the Gamblers’? Fact, and gamble he did, in a heads up battle against myself to defend his fort, claim his spoils and line up a nail biting finally next week…….

I’m Rob D………What is the Matrix?

Influenza A Virus Subtype H1N1.....‏

2009-05-01T12:58:00.002+01:00

This week’s action…..

Deadly was in the Valley, eating leeks and hacking up some fairways in the Hairy cup…..

The rest of the players brave the pandemic and venture out to the germ filled atmosphere, bound for Sprucefield….

Cally was his usual accommodating host, making sure all players were equipped with surgical masks, Kleenex, lemsip, alcoholic beverages and bowls of crisps– but they weren’t smokey bacon…..

With that 6 lethargic heads, take their seats at the table and prepare for the end of the world……

There was no pork scratchings or bacon fries, but Hammerheed (Swine) had brought some nuts…….of the stone cold variety, as he sends me doorbound with the cooler, straight on 4^th street for Swine, spoon on the river for me……

Next to take ill, was Irwinator, as he thought he would try some antiviral techniques in the form of 6-6, these antibodies were quickly broken down by Swine whose molecular structure of A-A was nearly impossible to crack……

The Professor had obviously been busy in the lab this week and had gathered in all the chemists to concoct a vaccination. The Prof was sure he had it, and confident to put it to the test, the formula he used was K-K, but once again this crumbled to Swine’s A-A…….

Cally had proved once again to be the host with the most, the only thing missing was a bottle of bubbley……..Oh hold on, no it wasn’t…….

Swiller, with a diet of Heineken and red wine, seemed to render him immune to Swine, and with a quick dose of Tamiflu the outbreak was over, diagnosis – pointage and noop…….

There’s a nasty bug going about…….Know thine enemy……

Cavehill Card Club Reaches New Heights.....‏

2009-04-24T21:46:00.003+01:00

This week’s action……

Cally was a known absentee, but nobody knew where or why – A note from your parents is required for next week…..

Deadly was wining and dining the Missus, obviously in need of some brownie points……..

Hammerheed was recovering in the basement after a bout of vertigo sends him spinning……

With that only 4 heads don the safety goggles and head to the lab, lured in by delusions of wealth…..

The first hour saw a friendly exchange of clays between the players, with not much to report, and tales of pugilism and cut price vino eased the evening in……

Swiller, still relishing in his abundance of boozy birthday gifts, thought he had just received another present in the form of pocket Jacks. Some slow play ensued and Irwinator, who was his opponent in the pot, certainly wasn’t birthday gifting any of his clays, as he hits his Ace on the river……

Shortly after this it is Jacks once again that prove to be Swillers nemesis, and a good regal lady friend of mine makes it 3 way. The gifts don’t end here Swiller, have a wooden spoon………

The professor is unable to concoct anything to achieve the necessary results, and all that subsidises from his experimentation is some frothy bubbles…….

Two way action sees Cavehill league leader versus the defending champion, and after a bit of bump and grind, Irwinator is King – Could there be a new cat in town…….

I’m Bono……….Hello, hello…(Hola) I’m at a place called Vertigo…..

The return of the Blog......‏

2009-04-17T20:57:00.002+01:00

This week’s action……

Hammerheed is donning head gear in Bennidorm protecting the crown from harmful UV rays……

With that 6 eager leaguers prepare to wager money on an event with an uncertain outcome with the primary intent of winning additional money and/or material goods…..

Extra dealing duties are required from the players as an overseas skateboard injury transforms the Poisson into the one armed bandit……

After an hours worth of trading clays at the Cavehill swap meet, eventually some serious hands of poker get played. Irwinator and Cally are giving it the Stevie G and Frank Lampard as things are going a bit Liverpool V Chelsea esque, reminiscent of a champions league quarter final. And similar to said football match it’s Lampards Aces that seal the deal and send the scouser home with nothing to show from Europe but a souvenir in the shape of a spoon……

No change for Deadly in league positions, and a portion of chips, peas and gravy soon takes presidency over patience…..

If it’s not pocket aces, then its quad eights for the luck box Cally, and the chance to go clear at the top of the league seems evermore realistic. This dream is quickly shattered as its easy come easy go and soon enough the big stack becomes the small, and small becomes none…….

With several tins and the guts of a bottle of red consumed, the introduction of some fine cabbage certainly shines a different light on matters for Swiller. Encroaching on his 30^th anniversary, it seems like the man would have trouble counting to this number as the bumbled mathematics take hold and play practically grinds to a halt. Eventually the correct blinds get posted and the cards resume……..

On any other evening a couple of ladies would be exactly what I would be looking for, but on this Thursday night, with my AJ not improving, the ladies prove to be my undoing, bubble for the bandit……

Birthday boy and the stag take the center stage for the heads up battle. The only birthday present Swiller will get is a sore head in the morning as the professor of negative equity lives up to the reverse of his name to claim the spoils…….

I’m back in the province………and back on blog duty!

All Aboard the White Star Line Flag Ship.....

2009-01-30T18:33:00.003Z

This week's action....

4 hardy pros turned up at the Lisburn gambling emporium for its' second night of action. A frosty reception greeted the players ...the venue's heating was giving trouble as opposed to the host indifference.

With no room for error all potential title chasers took their seats. The pokers gods were not smiling on Swiller and like the retreating tide his chips made a one way ticket to the centre pot never to be seen again... all that was left on the beech was a shiny silver spoon for making sand castles and dreams of what could have been.

The professor was next to stumble and a date with a bottle of fariy liquid was all he had to show for his troubles. Not sure of the rumour that the prof is seeking divine intervention to lift his game under the guise of " a marriage course" next week .. we will have to wait and see.

Cally and Irwinator played out a classic heads up with a Titanic struggle that had quality written all over it. Unfortunately with a hat trick of victories in his sight ,Irwinator missed "ice burg dead a head sir" and a lucky pair of pocket fours was enough for cally to inflict a fatal blow on his funds and he began to sink. With no rescue boats to help, Irwinator went down and Cally took top points and the cash...hopefully to put toward the heating costs of the casino.....

Till next time....

posted by Cally @ 18.36

New Years Revelations.....

2009-01-23T18:25:00.001Z

This week's action....

The first outing in the east of the new year saw five gamblers at the felt.With shekels only been accepted in Israel it was hard cash only and the bounty was always going to be eagerly contested in the third week of Janurary in the midst of a tight recession.

The professor's theory of what goes up has to come down (his Skirt theory) could easily be applied the points table as most players have had a distinct lack of consistency in their play as a move up the table is followed by a equal but opposite move farely soon afterwards. The profs theory was QED by himself on the night and a belated birthday present of a shiny new spatula for his lab was added to his collection.

Selecta couldnt catch a break all night and cursed his luck as an outright winning hand seemed beyond him. His funds eventually ran dry but his grape juice didnt and was expertly transferred to a transportable container and smuggled across the city to the hills. Last I heard he was looking up holidays in the Croatian captial of Split for a gambling vacatian.

Meanwhile Irwinators pile continued to grow and three way action was swift.

Hammerhead caught off guard had his all in called , the bluff was revealed and he was sent packing for a early bath...... one of every soooo soft and shiny bubbles.

However it was Cally who was caught cold and after hardly playing a hard all night was never going trouble GI in the heads up. Irwinator wrapped up proceeding and bagged a second impressive win in as many weeks to storm up the table....

Can anybody stop his bid for three in a row next week....Answers on a post card....

posted by Cally @ 18:26

High Hand Awards and Southern Migrations.....

2008-12-05T17:30:00.003Z

This week's action........

Hammerheed is tucked up in bed, electric blanket and kleenex, a quiet night in or a serious case of manflu?.......

6 eager gamblers wager notes of a material value on an event with an uncertain outcome......

An early tell that Irwinator may not be on top form, is prevelent as he lands at the lab minus the chip box. This results in a return jouney back to east, rally style, drive it like you stole it......

With myself flying south for the winter, it seemed only fair that i reduce the defecit to give my fellow club members a fighting chance, or maybe the Professors AQ had me wrapped up - Answers on a spoon.......

The Highest hand of the season award, thus far, goes to Cally, making a straight flush 2-6(hearts), and leveraging a tidy amount of clays out of Irwinator.......

This was not the only thing levereged from Irwinator, a host of tiny bubbles effervesced from within......

Heads up consisted of Cally and the Professor experimenting in the lab, you can't oust the Prof in his own workplace, bread and scores, most likely from an AQ.......

I'm offski............Over to you Cally

The Gambler

2008-11-28T17:19:00.000Z

This Week's Action.....

The Professor is still out recovering from his abdominal operation.....

Cally is making moves, but not at the card table, of the house variety.......

An extra addition of Coleraines most renowned poker professional AKA the bearded man, makes up numbers......

With the extra pressure of having a seasoned professional at the table, some of the players nerves are showing - Deadly is the first to faulter and is exit bound, wooden spoon in tow......

With Quiggy up and down from his seat, the club is more like Piccadilly Circus, as he monitors the TV screen in between hands - live betting on every football game that is being played in Europe...

Irwinator has 2 Aces......

Heads up its The Amateur Vs The Professional, Me vs Quiggy, I lure him in with pocket Kings, which he calls with a flush draw, sucking out on the river........

I'm Kenny Rogers..........You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em......

Surgical Manoeuvers and Shopping Sprees.....

2008-11-14T11:33:00.001Z

This week’s action…..

The Professor is out with complaints of an upset tummy; immediate conclusions are drawn of excess consumption of beers and kebabs, but this is not the case, the diagnosis is an inflammation of the appendix, requiring removal – Get well soon Kev!

Deadly was spotted making a bee line for the Victoria center, cheque book in hand – the Christmas shopping spree has begun!

That leaves 5 to the felt at the Kings Hall Casino……..

Pocket Jacks is the opening act for myself, consisting of a duet with Irwinator, and I try and out sing him at every round, but alas he has the voice of a Queen………

Cally and Hammerheed get involved in some 3 way All In action, and its two birds with one stone as they are exit bound in one foul swoop – “Spoon for you Cally” who protests and argues how come Brian isn’t spooney? This is overruled by a chorus of the rest of the table informing him he was the short stack at the beginning of the hand, and extra ridicules of "believe it of not this scenario has occurred in tournaments before" and "rules have been put in place" blah blah blah…….

It was about this time Cally piped up complaining about the excessive claw marks on his table around the area I was sitting. This much is true, I had clawed myself into 3 way action, but could claw no more - cue a term used in poker tournaments for the last finishing position before entering the payout structure......

A sigh of relief as Swiller finds himself in a podium place taking him out of the red, Irwinator graces the other seat and after taking down the very first pot, he takes down the very last, with several in between……….notches and greenback………

I'm an open laparotomy incision at the McBurney's point...............Hello Appendix!

No Alarms and No Surprises.......

2008-11-07T12:20:00.001Z

This week's action.......

From employee of the year to boyfriend of the year, Irwinator is the only absentee, partaking in an act of chivalry to help a damsel in distress (and a motor in a mess)......

Blackjack steps into the arena for some cards, but it's not his namesake that he will be playing, the game is no limit Hold'em.......

With that 7 wannabee profiteers take to the table for the monthly high roller......

The first dubious actions of the night came by way of Deadly, after some botched dealing and an inability to count. His loss of motor skills was put down to his exercision on the football pitch pre-game, although this may of been a subterfuge as there was rumours he was spotted up cavehill with a tin of dampstart........

This form continued, and it wasn't long before Deadly was picking up a long, sharp fragment of material, often made of wood......

There was a brief interruption as Donna enters the room to inform us she is away out on the town for the night, the Professor lovingly enquires as to when she will be back, resulting in a chorus of "NEVER" from the players......

It was about now when the tempo was raised and some high ranking hands graced the table. Myself and Hammerheed are the first who fall privy to this scenario, with some pre flop action. All In on the flop is called by myself resulting in a stately showdown, pocket Queens Vs pocket Kings - It's a mans world, and i am a man.......

Next to experience the high end of the poker ladder was Blackjack, when he flops the nut flush. No more hearts on 4th or 5th, and only Cally to contend with, Blackjack is already raking the clays in his mind. All In on the river, and a quick call by Cally who's alarm bells should be ringing. The alarm bells are ringing, from the burglar alarm of Cally's full house - stolen from an address on 4th street.........

The Pièce de résistance came 3 way and involved Cally and Swiller, here's the lowdown: pre-flop raise by swiller is called by myself; Cally doubles it up; Swiller calls; I fold. Flop brings Ace cheese cheese; Swiller raises; Cally moves All In; Swiller calls; Cally shows AA; Swiller mucks then dry bokes - no outs, but plenty of bubbles.......

Two way and the grind is on. After half an hour of playing pass the pot, then 15 minutes of swap the showdown, a victor finally emerged, negativity over, it's plus points for the Poisson........

I'm the stone cold nuts..........All In!

The Festival of Samhain.......

2008-10-31T18:05:00.001Z

This week’s action…….

With Halloween fast approaching the threat of ghouls and satanic manifestations had scared many of the club members away……

Swiller was up in the walled city trying to convince some corporate suit that he was the man for the job……

Hammerheed was last seen crossing the border and high tailing it for Mexico…….

Irwinator was quaffing free wine and strutting on the dance floor with his tie round his head at a family wedding bash……

Special guest Appearance of Appin’s own chairman, Senior, weighs in unannounced for a shot at the title….

6 soulless specters join hands round the felt to play the Ouija board…….

First to fall foul of the paranormal and join the X-files was m-m-m-m-myself, when I came up against the slow playing Demonic G and his suicidal Kings. Not quite dead and buried, but gasping for breath and it wasn’t long before the final nail was in the coffin, and what a beautiful coffin it was, carved from ebony and adorned with spooky spoons……

The next soul aboard the ghost train, bound for Dwindleville, was Creepy Cally, two overcards against a pocket pair gave him a fighting chance, but the ghost train was an express and a plot at the local graveyard had already been secured - R.I.P Creepy Cally……..

Then amid the mist, a phantom ship, setting sail to nowhere with Professor Poltergeist at the helm……all aboard the Mary Celeste……

It wasn’t HTML as Priest Senior might of hoped, but binary code that graced the table post flop with 10 10 10, Demonic G making moves and forcing the laydown, no showdown occurred but I’ll swear he had a haunted house……..

The Devil Deadly had been sitting silently until he had a revelation, and he thrust his chips to the centre by the use of his trident. But Priest Senior had his crucifix and holy water to hand, and Banished the Devil Deadly from earth, back to Bubb-Hell………….

Heads off, and it was none other than Priest Senior who performed the Exorcism and banished the Demonic G from the club – “I have exorcised the Demons!” Pass the collection plate to the Priest……

I’m Dr Peter Venkman……….I ain’t afraid of no ghost…..

Medieval Times.....

2008-10-24T19:08:00.001+01:00

This week’s action……..

With Irwinator back in the running for Lagan employee of the year and Deadly AWOL, perhaps also challenging Irwinator’s contention – jobs are precious these days……..

The 5 usual suspects congregated round the cloth and peek at suit cladded squares of plastic, in the shadow of the mighty Kings Hall…..

In the shadow we may have been, but Cally’s residence certainly was no hall of Kings, as my pocket regal gents, who were reigning supreme and by no means abdicating, were ultimately dethroned, by a 4 outer on the river…….royal wood? Rise Sir Spooney……..

This dethroning sparked a revolution causing mass genocide, 3 way ‘All In’ with Hammerheed, Swiller and the Prof, Hammerheed is on the back foot and is quickly overpowered leaving Swiller and the Prof in the battlefield. A masterful attack from Swiller with the 2 pair formation, but this is reveled at by the Professor who’s superior 3 of a kind is ultimate……..Battle of the Bubble……..

The final conflict sees the Black Knight, Sir Cally face the White Knight, Sir Professor in a joust to the death. His will is strong and his aim is true, the professor is thrown to the dirt. The Black Knight dismounts his steed and claims his prize – 3 points and the loot….

I’m Chip Douglas……..Doest thou have a frosty ale for me and my mate?

Spills and Thrills.....

2008-10-19T19:11:00.016+01:00

This week's action......

Another healthy turn out saw six gamblers turn up at the felt this time chez Prof.

The season is getting into its stride now with clear early pace setters and a few straglers
who are bringing up the rear and struggling to get match fit after a summer of excess. The pre match
banter consisted of an AC/DC homage but in fairness I was here for cards and not to discuss the merits of alternate current versus direct current as a medium of electricity delivery so I left them at it ...... So to the cards

Irwinator crashed back to earth after a fine display on his return last week and after a few early pushes was down to his last few BAHT.No luck prevailed for Irwinator on an all in with Hammerhead and he was heading for bed earlier than a Thai child bride on her wedding night!
Spoon city ---population GI

The hands we coming thick and fast as the chips first went clockwise and then counter clockwise around the table as the night progressed. Then suddenly Deadly got over excited and splashed a sticky substance all over the table
causing all sorts of consternations and curses . All hands on deck finally got the mess cleared up and play resumed with Deadly finding himself next to leave after an all in call that did not go his way. He was last seen exiting back to the cave, mumbling something about a curry chip and a shirt that needed ironing for the morning...
Note to deadly keep your shandys in the glass its an easy tell....

Three way action saw The hammer, prof and cally slug it out and I swear I could smell success ....
I was rather mistaken as some idiot had turned on the george foreman grill and the smell of bacon was wafting through the air....I know the credit crunch is in full swing but the last thing I thought i would see
was the opening of a new eating emporium .... Busby's Diner ... this weeks special ....bubbles

The heads up was a classic case of a gutsy preformance from the short stack Cally who wasnt goin down 'till the fat lady sang'. She did along with her two sisters and a sneaky pair of fours from the Hammerhead completed his house. He scoped the loot, the points and a bit of breathing space at the top of the table while cally's effort were rewarded with a return to zero points from negative equity.

Ever heard the story of the hare and the tortise......

posted by Cally @ 19.12

Confessions of an 80's Pop Fanatic.....

2008-10-10T18:07:00.004+01:00

This week's action.......

With the yearly Thailand trip over, normal service is resumed in East, as 6 lost souls brave the torrential downpour and stare blankly at each other, then at the chips and then at each other again - how many blues?.......

The first to fall is Selecta when he gets mixed up in the triple 'All In' festival, and the tickets aren't cheap. Myself and Hammerheed, feeling a tad flush, also purchase said tickets and attend the event. The show starts with McHenry making the push on the river, then there is a brief interval as selecta ponders and decides. This decision consists of the next act as Swiller nudges his stack to the middle. The final act is swift to follow with myself following suit and shoving the clays to the center stage. Its a showstopper for swiller as McHenry reveals a flush , but the main applause is for myself with the stone colds - a sellout full house........

Cally had managed to swerve the spoon, but his lack of chips was encouraging the inevitable, and sure enough it was time for him to leave.............but not before he admitted to some teenage urges that would overcome him whilst watching MTV - Here's the scoop....
(Boys - Summertime Love) is a 1987 song performed by Italian singer Sabrina. It is the first single from her eponymous album and achieved a great success in many countries, including Switzerland, France and Italy, (and also obviously Ireland) where it was a number-one single. And i quote 'The song remains famous thanks to its sexy music video.'

So Cally this ones for you......

It was a regular bowlathon and they where getting knocked down like skittles, until it grinded into 3 way action. I had a stack like the Petronas twin towers and the Professor and Irwinator were struggling for survival. It appeared that i was toying with the Prof as twice we tussled and the first time he showed A 10 to my A J, which i might add he sucked out and survived, next clash and he revealed A 9 but alas i flipped A 10 - insult to injury, B to the U to the BBLE........

Heads up was a swift affair, both getting a piece of the flop, but my piece was better - 3 points and the cash......

I'm the smash hit single from the album 'Sabrina'..............Contain yourself kids!

The Cadbury's Credit Crunchie.......

2008-10-03T18:14:00.003+01:00

This Week’s action……

A guest visit from the director of our sister consortium Appin Poker Club makes up the numbers………

It’s a healthy turnout at the Cavehill Card Club as 8 distinguished gentlemen quaff ale and discuss the economy…….

The first man aboard the express train to short-stack was Cally, as he makes the push with the computer hand Q 7, only to come a cropper to Hammerheed’s A K, but there is hope as both the cards are live, and sure enough the flop brings a pair and a seven. The turn yields no help and it looks like the underdog is going to survive, that is until the river doth flow, pairing the board. Ace plays. Flashbacks, bad waves of nausea, fear and loathing and spoons made out of wood……..

The ‘heightened’ sense of awareness created during the game, led to the familiar mathematical talents of a dyslexic pre-schooler, but with 8 brains simultaneously processing the counts eventually order was restored and some hands were dealt……..

The next bone of contention was when I pushed my stack to the centre with top pair and a flush draw, only to get called by Trev with pocket cowboys. Many outs I had, and wishful claims of straights were quickly rejected, and Trev gleefully starts to rake the clays…….until…… the voice of reason, the illumination amid the darkness, the Professor, ever vigilant, clarifying that I had made 2 pair to Trevs pair. Pack up your peanuts Trevor, it’s bed time….

Swiller gets the dry boke with Greg well and truly locked up with very few outs – 8 on the river……….one of the very few……heave ho!

3 way action consists of both club directors, and the current Cavehill league leader. I make a heavy push All In post flop which gets quickly called by Greg turning over top pair. I also reveal top pair, but it’s the director of our sister consortium who is making the exit encountering some kicker hubble bubble toil and trouble……..

Myself and Hammerheed are the final two, and a succession of early folds from McHenry, hands me the loot…….

I’m the Bradford & Bingley…………..fuel prices are rising!

The Gift that Keeps Giving.........

2008-09-26T18:10:00.001+01:00

This week’s action…..

With a couple of possibilities, the game is given the go ahead, but only four make it too the felt at the professors’ lab……

G will miss the start of the season due to striking motors with spanners and tyre kicking………

Deadly and Hammerheed MIA, and Irwinator is still in Asia pickling himself in Chang……….

With that the four ball tees off……..

Tit for tat for the first few levels, until Cally gets locked up with a K Q against my A Q. No regal gents appear to bail him out and severe loss of clay assets is experienced. His few remaining chips get pushed to the centre on the next hand, and it’s Swiller who makes up the deficit and takes a shot – Extremely bad timing as this hand the poker Gods are re-incarnated as Cally – he flips over pocket Jacks, with the flop bringing a set, turn bringing a house and if that wasn’t enough the river brought Quads – The gift that keeps giving………..

This was a bitter blow to Swiller, and couldn’t quite recover as he boarded the bus to dwindleville, last stop – spoon central……

Cally’s comeback was valiant but shortlived, and he was next to hit the canvas, a canvas adorned by oil paints and titled ‘Bubbles’ a painting by Sir John Everett Millais…….

Myself and the Prof are heads up, with the Professor low on clays, a quick experiment with a pair of 3’s as he tries multiply his chip count, but the test tube explodes as an Ace burns out on the flop, resulting conclusively in 3 points and beer tokens for myself…..

I’m Dr Bunsen Honeydew……….welcome to The Muppet Show….