This week’s action…..

Deadly is a possible player, and was on the bench, the bench at the football pitch.....

7 heads congregate in Swiller’s residence to congratulate him on yet another year, and play some No Limit Hold’em…..

Cally picks up where he left off, accumulating some more lumber, perhaps in need of raw materials to build a stable for his new racehorse? (Let’s hope his horse is better on the track than his owner is on the felt)…..

Irwinator has set aside the poker guides in favour of telepathy books, summoning ducks out of the deck at will….

G's mind is on boats and rivers, but i dont mean full boats and 5th street, were it should of been, he was planning a trip to Fermanagh but also a trip back to east, empty handed......

The Professor’s quest for points continues, and a valiant start looks promising with him accumulating a healthy amount of clays. The quest did not conclude quite as he might of planned though and instead of bagging the treasure, he bagged the bubble......

Heads up and the battle is on, myself and Swiller, fuelled by Red Stripes and a couple of Green Stripes, it turned into quite the grind. Eventually the red and blacks favoured myself and although It was Swiller’s birthday.......the pressies were mine….

I’m a hat trick hero……Do I get to keep the deck?

This week’s action…..

With the logistical requirements for the table transportation saga eventually met, 3 club members on board a white transit van, make tracks to Kingsley Court, destination: ‘The Fold’, for table pick up; rendezvous time of 7.30, agreed only hours earlier via the Inter web. Arrival on location we were expectant to find the man of the fold horizontal on the sofa, but instead were instantly aroused by the absence of his vehicle. Notably concerned, but expectant that he was on route, a phone call was made that in summary went something like this –

Me: Alright Sham, Me Irwinator and G are outside yours with the Transit, where you at?

Wallace: Ballymena….

Needless to say there was no way of getting the poker table, tempers were high, and the words ‘Useless’, ‘F*cking’ and ‘Bastard’ were used in various orders on several occasions…..

Member apologies:

Deadly had a late kick off, extra time and penalties forcing a no show….

Hammerheed was off the radar, and off the fiber optic cables….

The Poker Table had taken a shine to Juniors spare room, and opted to reside there a bit longer….

With that 6 high rollers get seated round the KITCHEN table, for the big money game…..

Cally, being the attentive host that he is, did the honorable deed of going out first, leaving him free to cater for the guests every need. Slice of lime in that please, milk and 2 sugars yes, more doritos …..All achieved in between dealing every hand……

Swillers consistent placing in the Lisburn High Roller game had him exit bound next, and on the HIGHway home…..

Irwinator foiled the Professors chance of taking down a large pot and getting himself in half decent shape, by the hitting of a 2 outer and making a full house. Once again it looked like the Professor was going to struggle to return and gain some positive equity in the second half of the season…..

And Struggle he did, only a handful of games left in the season, will the Professor complete the second half of the season without gaining points? Or will he go on a run for the battle for second place? Find out in the closing episodes…..

G only managed to get bubbles from the game, lucky though he had an empty Transit out the front to take them home in….

Myself and Irwinator are left to dual, and when the chips are pushed, it is an aristocratic ‘All In’, my Queens against King Jack, a noble hand with no improvement, the stately game is mine, along with the crown jewels…..

I’m a volcanic ash cloud…….All birds are grounded.

This week’s action…..

Full attendance at the Professors Science laboratory, where 8 pupils prepare for poker related experimentation….

Bunsen burner lit, the first botched experiment came from Deadly, exercising the art of the steal and trying to win an all in pot with King high – which severely backfired in a chemical implosion, but it wasn’t a total loss, at least he picked up a kitchen utensil for his new crib…..

Cally was experimenting with hand rankings / reverse bluffs in an unorthodox counterexample, where he tried to lose a pot claiming he only had a pair, when actually he had a flush (response to a given stimulus)…….

Hammerheed tried to interpret the data and formulate a conclusion using mathematics, his theorem was inconclusive and he never published his findings…..

G found it impractical to fit a system into the Laboratory setting and in turn opted for some observational science, thus yielded him without any actual results…..

Swiller opted to experiment in possible confounding factors, when Irwinator had him well locked up, and the hitting of a 3 outer did not provide the expected results as it fell well outside the quadrant of the standard curve……

Aside from the observation of tiny organisms under the microscope, the Professors hypothesis was to actually achieve some positive equity in the second half of the season, however this experiment once again lacked the expected results set out in the theory, and all that could be concluded was that the passage of pressurised carbon dioxide through the medium of a liquid did indeed create bubbles…..

I experimented on the philosophy that pocket Queens in the hand should as a rule, consistently hold up against 1 overcard in a head’s up battle – results were as predicted, concluding that the total mass of the reactants equaled lucre……..

I’m Dr. Bunsen Honeydew…….Get the beaker, Beaker

This week’s action….

Sell out gig at the card club this week makes us 8 deep…..

Its swap shop at the felt and after an hour of gaming there is still 8 players, still with roughly their starting stacks….

Hammerheed is first to get busy and shoves the clays, only this time he does not receive clay in return, he receives wood……

Conversations turn to feature staircases, solid English walnut with a lacquer finish and associated paneling, accentuating the vestibule area……IT’S ON YOU!

Talk of 2 Potential vans for the ongoing saga of table transportation, it literally is edge of your seat stuff, surely this gaming surface will make the trans urban journey this week…..

This lovebird wasn’t flying so high tonight, the only place he was flying to, was back to Lisburn…minus a fiver…..

3 way all in action on 4^th street, Irwinator, Deadly and G, Irwinator is out of the race with 9’s, G is in very bad shape with Jacks, but its Deadly way out in front with Aces and a flush draw - one card to come, a one outer, BOOM! G hits the case Jack, stranger than fiction…..

The Professor is within reach of the elusive positive equity and a chance to gain some daylight at the top of the table, but yet again the points evade him and its only bubbles for his troubles…..

Y’all now the script for heads up by now, Déjà vu once again – but this time its Swiller who claims the spoils…..

I’m a beaten egg…… Wank

Irwinator is putting in a stretch of overtime in another bid to claim the accolade of Lagan employee of the year……

Deadly is lingering at the new crib awaiting the Ikea branded delivery truck.......

After confirmation of possession of house keys, 6 club members fumble with Google maps and eventually get seated round the glass, for take 2 of the opening night at the Rochester venue……

After browsing the ‘Lonely Planet’ guide to Ireland to check out the what’s hot of pubs in Cork, Cally would have been better off browsing the ‘Peter and Jane’ guide to playing poker, as he soon acquired the ‘First out of the Tournament’ guide to wooden spoons…..

I know what your thinking, did I have a straight draw or a flush, well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself, but being this a league game, with 3 points at stake, and risking all my stack, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? I must have fired 6 shots, as the next 2 are blanks and Hammerheed does indeed feel lucky……

Swiller bears the mark of the devil to survive his all in and triple up with trip 6’s……

The Professor looks to get back into the way of earning some positive equity, as he makes his move with AQ, but Hammerheed rides his luck and his 2 live cards hit on the flop, leaving the Prof with a lively maneuver….towards the exit…..

Hammerheed’s bubble eventually burst……

A familiar duo is once again left in the head’s up battle, with the host finding his footing, aswell as his keys, and keeping the purse at Rochester….

I’m Harry Callaghan……Get out of the way, Hammerheed!

This week’s action…..

Deadly has a prior engagement at DFS to kit out his living space with some lounging equipment (N.B for expert advice on sofa choice please confer with our resident expert Junior)….

Hammerheed is AWOL once again, all eyes peeled for his mugshot on the side of milk cartons….

And tonight’s special guest, all the way from a couch in East Belfast, Cavehill Card Club welcomes Junior, on his annual appearance……

A brand new venue sees G playing host for the first time, they say first impressions last, and his misplacement of his house keys did leave a lasting impression, with the chips locked up in the impenetrable fortress it was time to initiate an impromptu plan B. After much deliberation and frantic phone calling his better half was tracked down and the chip set was recovered, but not before the parade had been re-routed to the Cavehill club……..You’ll never walk Rochester…..

7 lost souls finally find shelter for a late kick off…..

Junior’s return to the table reflects his prolonged absence, as he struggles to remember the name of the suits, and the ranking of the hands it would seem as he is the first to egress, Marlboro menthols, wooden spoon and all…….

The Professor’s straight takes down the pot, but a cry of ‘flush’ sees the blood drain from his face, ha only joking Prof, the clays are yours…..

More talk of transit vans takes place, relating to the ongoing saga of poker table transportation……tune in next week for another gripping episode – Will this inanimate object ever make it out of Junior’s spare room??

3 way action leaves myself, Cally and Swiller - with the blinds nearing the ceiling limit there is no margin for error, it’s all in with any face card for me, then all out as Cally’s is better, Queen of hearts beats the Jack of bubbles…….

Heads up sees Swiller in a podium place once again, a much better run in the second half of the season, but could it prove too little too late? On this occasion it proves too little and he will have to settle for second, as it’s our Mexican cartel that takes the stash….

The Cavehill league mirrors the Premier league; it’s currently a three horse race, but there is still plenty of time, and plenty of points…..

I’m Arsène Wenger…….We are still in the title race…..

This week’s action…..

Deadly’s most recent purchase, a new abode, didn’t come by way of the January sales, but has him sidelined anyway…..

Hammerheed is also a forfeit this week, activity unknown……

Cally promises an appearance but it will be a late one, as he tests the plausibility of navigating through unknown terrain in east Belfast using only an iPhone….

5 plus 1 latecomer gather round the cloth, and post the absentee’s blinds….

2 levels deep Cally lands in, just as well that iPhone has an in built compass, egg chasing tickets acquired…..

Irwinator keeps his form consistent, back to back spoons have him sofa bound early, then a visit to bet365 to try and re-coup the deficit……..

Football faux pas of the evening goes to G, after a tale of his visit to ‘Highfield’ to watch Arsenal play in a champion’s league game against…..”What do you call the team from Barcelona?”….. (Any ideas anyone?)

My walking sticks didn’t hold up, and soon had me walking towards the exit……

The professor gets busy in the mix, but all he can concoct is froth and bubbles……

Facing off is Swiller and G, G shows 3 of a kind against Swiller’s open ended straight draw, only the river to come but it is G who is drowning as Swiller spikes a Jack to make the straight and severely dent his opponents stack, which there was no coming back from……..to the victor go the spoils…..

I’m John Terry………..Role model and (former) captain of England……