This week’s action….

Sell out gig at the card club this week makes us 8 deep…..

Its swap shop at the felt and after an hour of gaming there is still 8 players, still with roughly their starting stacks….

Hammerheed is first to get busy and shoves the clays, only this time he does not receive clay in return, he receives wood……

Conversations turn to feature staircases, solid English walnut with a lacquer finish and associated paneling, accentuating the vestibule area……IT’S ON YOU!

Talk of 2 Potential vans for the ongoing saga of table transportation, it literally is edge of your seat stuff, surely this gaming surface will make the trans urban journey this week…..

This lovebird wasn’t flying so high tonight, the only place he was flying to, was back to Lisburn…minus a fiver…..

3 way all in action on 4^th street, Irwinator, Deadly and G, Irwinator is out of the race with 9’s, G is in very bad shape with Jacks, but its Deadly way out in front with Aces and a flush draw - one card to come, a one outer, BOOM! G hits the case Jack, stranger than fiction…..

The Professor is within reach of the elusive positive equity and a chance to gain some daylight at the top of the table, but yet again the points evade him and its only bubbles for his troubles…..

Y’all now the script for heads up by now, Déjà vu once again – but this time its Swiller who claims the spoils…..

I’m a beaten egg…… Wank

Irwinator is putting in a stretch of overtime in another bid to claim the accolade of Lagan employee of the year……

Deadly is lingering at the new crib awaiting the Ikea branded delivery truck.......

After confirmation of possession of house keys, 6 club members fumble with Google maps and eventually get seated round the glass, for take 2 of the opening night at the Rochester venue……

After browsing the ‘Lonely Planet’ guide to Ireland to check out the what’s hot of pubs in Cork, Cally would have been better off browsing the ‘Peter and Jane’ guide to playing poker, as he soon acquired the ‘First out of the Tournament’ guide to wooden spoons…..

I know what your thinking, did I have a straight draw or a flush, well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself, but being this a league game, with 3 points at stake, and risking all my stack, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? I must have fired 6 shots, as the next 2 are blanks and Hammerheed does indeed feel lucky……

Swiller bears the mark of the devil to survive his all in and triple up with trip 6’s……

The Professor looks to get back into the way of earning some positive equity, as he makes his move with AQ, but Hammerheed rides his luck and his 2 live cards hit on the flop, leaving the Prof with a lively maneuver….towards the exit…..

Hammerheed’s bubble eventually burst……

A familiar duo is once again left in the head’s up battle, with the host finding his footing, aswell as his keys, and keeping the purse at Rochester….

I’m Harry Callaghan……Get out of the way, Hammerheed!

This week’s action…..

Deadly has a prior engagement at DFS to kit out his living space with some lounging equipment (N.B for expert advice on sofa choice please confer with our resident expert Junior)….

Hammerheed is AWOL once again, all eyes peeled for his mugshot on the side of milk cartons….

And tonight’s special guest, all the way from a couch in East Belfast, Cavehill Card Club welcomes Junior, on his annual appearance……

A brand new venue sees G playing host for the first time, they say first impressions last, and his misplacement of his house keys did leave a lasting impression, with the chips locked up in the impenetrable fortress it was time to initiate an impromptu plan B. After much deliberation and frantic phone calling his better half was tracked down and the chip set was recovered, but not before the parade had been re-routed to the Cavehill club……..You’ll never walk Rochester…..

7 lost souls finally find shelter for a late kick off…..

Junior’s return to the table reflects his prolonged absence, as he struggles to remember the name of the suits, and the ranking of the hands it would seem as he is the first to egress, Marlboro menthols, wooden spoon and all…….

The Professor’s straight takes down the pot, but a cry of ‘flush’ sees the blood drain from his face, ha only joking Prof, the clays are yours…..

More talk of transit vans takes place, relating to the ongoing saga of poker table transportation……tune in next week for another gripping episode – Will this inanimate object ever make it out of Junior’s spare room??

3 way action leaves myself, Cally and Swiller - with the blinds nearing the ceiling limit there is no margin for error, it’s all in with any face card for me, then all out as Cally’s is better, Queen of hearts beats the Jack of bubbles…….

Heads up sees Swiller in a podium place once again, a much better run in the second half of the season, but could it prove too little too late? On this occasion it proves too little and he will have to settle for second, as it’s our Mexican cartel that takes the stash….

The Cavehill league mirrors the Premier league; it’s currently a three horse race, but there is still plenty of time, and plenty of points…..

I’m Arsène Wenger…….We are still in the title race…..

This week’s action…..

Deadly’s most recent purchase, a new abode, didn’t come by way of the January sales, but has him sidelined anyway…..

Hammerheed is also a forfeit this week, activity unknown……

Cally promises an appearance but it will be a late one, as he tests the plausibility of navigating through unknown terrain in east Belfast using only an iPhone….

5 plus 1 latecomer gather round the cloth, and post the absentee’s blinds….

2 levels deep Cally lands in, just as well that iPhone has an in built compass, egg chasing tickets acquired…..

Irwinator keeps his form consistent, back to back spoons have him sofa bound early, then a visit to bet365 to try and re-coup the deficit……..

Football faux pas of the evening goes to G, after a tale of his visit to ‘Highfield’ to watch Arsenal play in a champion’s league game against…..”What do you call the team from Barcelona?”….. (Any ideas anyone?)

My walking sticks didn’t hold up, and soon had me walking towards the exit……

The professor gets busy in the mix, but all he can concoct is froth and bubbles……

Facing off is Swiller and G, G shows 3 of a kind against Swiller’s open ended straight draw, only the river to come but it is G who is drowning as Swiller spikes a Jack to make the straight and severely dent his opponents stack, which there was no coming back from……..to the victor go the spoils…..

I’m John Terry………..Role model and (former) captain of England……

This week’s action…..

The Lisburn High Roller game pulls in a big crowd with an almost sellout attendance…..

Deadly couldn’t quite make the occasion, still a couple of days left in the January sales……

Negotiations for the acquisition of a transit van are in full flow, as logistical plans are made to try and transport ‘the table’ from the fold and thus alleviating Woodcutters pains – alternative suggestions as follows –

Put the seats down in the Red Rocket and stick it in the back – quickly dismissed, the rocket is only a hatchback, this 10 man behemoth would prove too big for even a sizeable estate!

Stick it on a roof rack – quickly dismissed, fears we might reenact Scaramanga’s escape in a wing converted 1974 AMC Matador, from The Man with the Golden Gun.

With that 7 money hungry gents surround a different table, looking to accumulate some much needed tokens for maximum weekend carnage……

Nervous starts from a couple of players, the pressure pot that is the high roller game clearly showing, and this gets portrayed via dealing duties as a few flops get dealt out of turn….

Swiller was quickly deflated, by losing a large percentage of his stack, when I hit the wheel on the river, and murmurs of bottles of red on the way home ensued …..

Irwinator is in need of a refresher course on hand rankings, as it is clearly stated in the league rules - 3 pair is not a valid hand!

Still reeling from his injustice of not being able to utilise his third pair, Irwinator makes the shove, but all he gets in return is wooden trophies and white gloves…….

G is looking to continue his comeback winning form, but perhaps he had encountered a stroke of beginners luck from his prolonged absence, as he is next to fall by the wayside…..

Swiller makes a come back after flopping the nuts, and it looks like the bottle of red will have to be postponed, but not for too long, its soon back to dwindleville and the local winemark……

The Professor is still contrary to his name, but recent form has shown a lack of adeptness to the fruits of positive equity……

Hammerheed flops a house but doesn’t get any bites, but if its nibbles he’s after he is in luck, as Cally sends him his favourite snack, some Aero bubbles…….

Showdown is myself and Cally, and twice the host with the most goes in with the best hand, but comes a cropper, finally he gets some luck of his own, hits on the flop, but oh how the gods mock and they take him to heaven before they take him to hell, I spike an Ace on 4^th street and take home the swag…..

I’m Jack Strauss…..Limit poker is a science, but no-limit is an art.

This week’s action…….

January sales are in full flow, a few more excursions to Victoria Square have Deadly sidelined….

The Professor is out of town, a weekend in the Highlands for the attendance of a seminar on making the climb from negative to positive equity….

With that 5 club regulars, fresh from the festive break and resolute for league domination, congregate round the cloth….

Swillers resolutions of positive pointage are quickly shattered, as he takes a dive off the wooden board, even deeper into the red, and we are not talking vino…. (Note to self – Sobriety not working, a swift resumption to an accompanying bottle for future gaming!)

Swiller dons the white gloves and fulfills his croupier duties, but after a session on the green baize at the green baize, he is soon receiving his P45, after half an hour of his exit from the game he decides to deal himself in……New dealer please…..

Hammerheed soaks up the atmosphere, aswell as the bubble…..

Myself and Irwinator are left to dual in a swift heads up battle, 2 cards turn and shoot, Irwinator falls, its booty and points for me……

I’m Benjamin Braddock………Are you trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson?

This week’s action……

Only 20 shopping days left, Deadly has work to do…..

Hammerheed also takes a head stagger, must go shopping, and a trip to the Victoria centre ensues……

Threats of an appearance from Wallace are quickly dismissed as hearsay……

With that 5 regular rogues congregate at the cloth, for experimentation in the lab…….

One notable anomaly of the evening is Swiller minus a bottle of red…….clearly not living up to his name he shrugs this off by the fact he is steering this evening, but the other club members know better, wooden spoon avoidance being the primary agenda, tactfully testing his game play with a sober head……

Irwinator is quick off the blocks, all guns blazing, raising here there and everywhere, and accumulating some clays, although this gung ho approach soon has him on the short stack….

Triple all – in action, with the gun slinger on the short stack for his tournament life, the Professor quickly calling my over the top re-raise there can only be one outcome, the best hand Vs the second best hand, and as 80% of the time they will, Aces stand tall, the Prof triples up and its Irwinator who claims the lumber……

The next eventful hand was stranger than fiction, the stuff of dreams, or indeed nightmares. Cally shoves with a short stack on the flop and Swiller calls, Cally shows Ace high, but Swiller turns 2 pair, It’s a 50-1 shot, but it’s a shot and what a shot, runner runner hits Cally, 2 pair, Aces up……Disgruntled would be an understatement……

The luck box seems to have used up all his luck performing his previous miracle, and for his next trick he disappears from the game and conjures some bubbles……

Heads up sees Swiller in the peculiar position of positive equity, but he faces a formidable opponent, none other than the Professor of negative equity whose performance this season has been adverse to his namesake. It’s the Professors’ house, and it’s full, points and swag remain in the lab……

I’m JC…..How about some wine on tap…..